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Cybersex: From Recreational Users to Addicts

Tricia (Tessa) Suppes M.A.

Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University

Abstract

     The Internet is increasingly affecting all aspects of our lives and in particular, our sexual lives. With the sophistication of the Internet has come increased access to cybersex. This paper will focus on how the Internet is changing sexual behavior with a special focus on the cybersex recreational user, the at-risk user and the compulsive/addict user. The paper will also define what is cybersex, who participates in it, what factors contribute to cybersex addiction as well as how the qualitative interviews synched up with the research conducted for this paper.

Introduction

     The United States Department of Defense designed a communication tool called the Internet. This communication tool would provide top government officials a way of communicating in the event of a nuclear disaster (Delmonico, 2003).  Hence the early users of the Internet were government officials as well as academics and individuals searching for pornography. As the Internet became more sophisticated, the pornography industry took notice and realized that by using this technology it could expand its audience, its method of distribution, and its profits. The pornography industry pushed the technological envelope by developing streaming technology, pay-per-click advertising, and credit card processing (Griffiths, 2000). Today, one billion people around the world have access to the Internet.  In the United States, there are 150 million Internet users with 50% utilizing high-speed connections (Trumbull, 2005; Dew & Chaney, 2004). The

     Internet is revolutionizing society’s communication, social, and economic patterns. As with any technological advancement, there are benefits and disadvantages. According to Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg (2000), “sexuality is one aspect of human social behavior that is being dramatically impacted by the Internet” (p. 6). This paper will focus on the unique aspects of the Internet that seem to facilitate cybersex.

Scope of Pornography

     In general, pornography’s expenditures and profits are enormous. Annually, the industry earns 57 billion worldwide and 12 billion in the United States. Pornography consumption has increased as well. According to Paul (2005), the adult video business expanded from $75 million in 1985 to $490 million in 1992 with approximately 1,500 movies produced a year. Today 11,000 adult videos or DVDs are produced annually. Americans rented 800 million videos/DVDs last year, spending four billion on such rentals.

     The pornography industry’s venture into the Internet has been hugely successful. It is estimated that the Internet pornography’s annual revenues range from five billion to 30 billion. All told, pornographic webs sites offer 260 million pages of online pornography and 1.6 million pornographic URL websites. “Type ‘XXX’ into Google.com and 106 million pages arise” (Paul, 2005, p. 60). The pornographic search engine equivalent of Google.com receives one million hits per day (Paul, 2005).

     With the vast increase of online pornographic supply, it is no surprise that demand has followed. In fact, according to Paul (2005) “there has been an explosion in online sexual activity” (p. 15). According to an Elle/MSNBC.com poll, “three-fourths of men said they had viewed or downloaded erotic films and videos from the Internet. Forty-one percent of women did as well” (Paul, 2005, p. 15). This same poll found that “one in five men had watched or sexually interacted with someone on a live webcam” (Paul, 2005, p. 15). The online Kinsey Institute poll showed that 77% of the 10, 543 Americans who participated in its poll viewed pornography at least once in a thirty-day period. Out of this 77%, 58% indicated that they looked at least once a week while 19% stated that they looked at least every other day (Paul, 2005).

     Pornography’s reach seems ubiquitous. Those who legally should not have access—minors, and those who morally should not participate—pastors and clergy are heavy users of online pornography. Surveys from Paster.com and Christian Today magazine showed that respectively 50% of pastors and 40% of clergy viewed online pornography. In addition, 25% of girls and 37% of boys aged twelve to thirteen had a friend that viewed online pornography. As children get older, their usage increases with 46% of sixteen to seventeen year-old girls and 65% of boys the same age having a  friend that viewed pornography (Paul, 2005).

Cybersex Defined

     Online sexual activity (OSA) encompasses a broad range of behaviors. These include searching for sex therapists, buying or selling sexual materials, educating, looking for either short or long term sexual partners, looking into gender or identity roles, participating in online relationships, and seeking sexually explicit material for either entertainment or masturbatory reasons (Griffiths, 2000).  Cooper, Griffith-Shelley, Delmonico, & Mathy (2001) define cybersex as “…one form of OSA where individuals use the Internet to engage in sexually arousing or gratifying activities” (p. 269).

     Delmonico (2003) classifies cybersex into three distinct categories: “online exchange of pornography” (p. 459) that includes email, Usenet groups, chat rooms, electronic discussion boards, and Internet websites, “live modes of communication” (p. 459) that include chat rooms, audio and video streaming, video clips, live online strip shows, web-cam sites, (Griffith, 2000) and the online “purchase of software containing pornography or other sexually explicit materials” (Delmonico, 2003, p. 459). 

 

Literature Review

Why Cybersex Problematic

     Evidence points to a vast increase in Americans’ participation in cybersex. Some researchers (Leiblum, 1997) posit that “a consequence of the relative safety and availability of all this [sexual] material is that many more people will make forays into these channels, whereas formerly they might have been deterred by fear of discovery or embarrassment” (p. 21). Greenfield’s (1999) assertion that “…it appears that the most stimulating material (e.g., sexual content) seems to engender the highest levels of utilization online” (p. 412) support this claim.  Although Internet sexuality ranges the gamut from harmless recreation and life enhancing to problematic or pathological, there is mounting clinical and anecdotal substantiation suggesting, “there are aspects of the online experience that can negatively impact people in numerous ways” (Greenfield, 1999, p. 404).  Specifically, Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg (2000) state that with increased utilization of the Internet for cybersex purposes, clinicians’ caseloads comprise more clients “whose presenting problem either stems from or is manifesting online sexual compulsivity” (p. 7).
    
     Research supports this broad trend. According to Paul (2005), an Elle/MSNBC.com poll showed that one in four women expressed concern that their partners’ online pornography behavior was ‘out-of-control.’ In this same poll, 17% of the men who viewed online pornography disclosed that they had a problem controlling their desires to log onto it. For men that viewed online pornography for more than five hours per week, 45% percent believed they masturbated too often. As a result of this increased masturbation, one in five men admitted having less sex with their partners (Paul, 2005). Additionally, six in ten women suspected their partner of using Internet pornography for sex, and three in ten men “admitted they go online with the intention of ‘cheating on their girlfriends or wives’ be it via pornography, online dating, or sex chat rooms” (Paul, 2005, p. 15). Lastly, the Elle/MSNBC.com poll showed that 75% of ‘normal’ participants of Internet pornography confessed that addiction to pornography could become a problem for them even though they did not view themselves as having ‘addictive personalities’ (Paul, 2005).

     As a result of all this cybersex, one in four participants in the Elle/MSNBC.com poll stated that Internet pornography as well as chat rooms contributed to their divorce (Paul, 2005). 66% percent of the 350 lawyers who attended the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers meeting in 2003 stated that excessive online pornography played a major role in more than half of their divorce cases in the past year (Paul, 2004).

     Researchers suggest that certain factors inherent to the Internet contribute to the increased cybersex participation and potential compulsivity. To describe this phenomenon, Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg (2000) “coined the term ‘Triple-A Engine’ to describe the factors that fuel the Internet growth. These factors are accessibility, affordability, and anonymity” (P. 6).  Griffith (2000) supports Cooper’s, et al. (2000) Triple-A Engine concept by stating that “the anonymity of the Internet has been identified as a consistent factor underlying its excessive use” (p. 539). Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg (2000) believe that this Triple-A Engine seems to “increase the chances that the Internet will become problematic for those who either already have a problem with sexual compulsivity or those who have psychological vulnerabilities rendering them at risk for developing such compulsivity” (p. 7).  Other factors such as “disinhibition, …, ease of access, accelerated intimacy, time distortion (dissociation), and intensity/stimulation of online content” (Greenfield, 1999, p. 403) also play a vital role in the growth of cybersex.

     A major attraction to cybersex is the fantasy world—a world that is “dissociated from real-life pressures, emotional entanglements, and commitment” (Paul, 2005, p. 148). This fantasy world is free of responsibilities, consequences, and rejection (Cooper, Delmonico, Griffin-Shelley, & Mathy, 2004). On the Internet, one can access any sexual fantasy or sexual image. In some instances, this access keeps alive sexual fantasies that without the Internet would go away (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000). Schneider (2003) avers that the ability to hide one’s cybersex activities from a spouse or partner is an additional attraction to this medium.

     The cybersex online community is a closed community in that anyone who participates in these activities supports this behavior. This can create the impression that everyone does this and thus normalize the behavior. Additionally, heavy involvement in a closed system can insulate users from “general social norms and reinforce denial and cognitive distortions…” leading to further entrenched problematic behaviors (Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies, 1999, p. 87).

Cybersex Compulsive/Addict Defined

     A growing body of evidence supports the idea that cybersex usage can become compulsive and addictive and may “mimic the addictive process found in drugs, alcohol, and other substances” (Greenfield, 1999, p. 403). Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies (1999) and Greenfield (1999) outline the components of sexual compulsion: denial, rationalization, and justification; unsuccessful repeated attempts to stop the activity; disproportionate amounts of time involved in the activity including “fantasizing about it, planning for it, reliving it, or hiding it” (Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies, 1999, p. 83); social, occupational, and recreational functioning affected in a negative way by cybersex behavior; continuance of cybersex behavior in spite of experiencing negative consequences;  “preoccupation with going online; needing more time online; requiring more sexually stimulating material” (Greenfield, 1999,  p. 411); and experiencing restlessness or irritability when trying to curtail involvement in the activity.

Types of Cybersex Users

     Cooper, Delmonico, and Burg (2000) put forward a theoretical model that describes and classifies individuals who participate in cybersex.  These categories are the recreational user, the at-risk user, and the compulsive or the addicted user.

    Recreational. The majority of cybersex users (83.5%) fall into the recreational category (Cooper, Delmonico, and Burg, 2000). These individuals are considered nonsexually compulsive because they scored low on the Sexually Compulsive Scale (SCS). Recreational users view cybersex as a distraction and a break from their daily routines. In fact, 56% indicated that this was their primary motivation for participating in online sexual activities (Delmonico & Carnes, 1999).  In theory, recreational users’ cybersex activities do not seem to be uncontrollable or compulsive (Delmonico & Carnes, 1999). This group has a predictable pattern of online cybersex activity that starts with an “initial infatuation and high involvement, usually followed by a gradual decline into more modulated and less intense activity, followed, for some, by indifference and only occasional involvement” (Leiblum, 1997, p. 25).

     Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon (1999) posit that individuals who spend eleven hours or more per week engaging in cybersex activities start exhibiting compulsive behaviors and begin to experience negative consequences in their lives. Interestingly, 67% of these recreational users spent eleven or more hours a week participating in cybersex (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000).  In general, this group reported fewer areas of their lives interfered with and jeopardized by their cybersex activities than at-risk users or addicts, but 27% experienced one life area affected and 42% experienced one life area jeopardized by their online sexual activities. Additionally, 68% of these users hid their online sexual activities from a spouse or significant other (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000). 

     A low score on the SCS indicates low sexual compulsive tendencies, yet at least 67% of this group exhibited some behaviors that put them at risk for developing sexual compulsivity. Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg (2000) hypothesized the reason for this discrepancy was that “a significant portion (possibly between 27% to 42%) are likely to be in denial about the true severity of their issues” (p. 20). They (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000) also suspected that these individuals might be in the “early stages of developing a cybersex compulsion and thus not yet experiencing the levels of distress reported by those subjects more deeply entrenched in their compulsivity” (p. 20).

    At-Risk. It is estimated that approximately 10.9% of individuals fall into the at-risk category. These are the cybersex users who “may have a vulnerability to or proclivity for sexual compulsivity but have sufficient internal resources and impulse control to have resisted acting on these behaviors until faced with the power of the Triple-A Engine” (Cooper, Griffin-Shelley, Delmonico, & Mathy, 2001, p. 88).  According to Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg (2000), this Triple-A Engine may “interact with certain underlying personality factors of at-risk users and leads to patterns and behaviors that, without intervention, may develop into online sexually compulsive behavior” (p. 7).  As a whole, this group spent less time engaged in cybersex with only twenty percent spending over eleven hours or more per week pursing cybersex (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000).

     Delmonico & Carnes (1999) separate at-risk users into three categories: stress-reactive, depressive, and fantasy. Stress-reactive at-risk users engage in cybersex as a “temporary escape, distraction, or means of coping with uncomfortable feelings that arise from stressful situations” (P. 132). Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies (1999) state that these individuals tend to be “more interpersonally connected and use more sophisticated coping strategies” (p. 89).  However, when their interpersonal connections are disrupted, these individuals have difficulty coping with their negative affect and so resort to cybersex as a coping mechanism. The depressive type uses cybersex as a refuge from depressive or dysthymic symptoms or as a way to avoid negative emotions. (Delmonico & Carnes, 1999).  The fantasy type uses cybersex to act on fantasies that he or she would not do in real life. These individuals become at-risk if they start “developing a secret and separate sexual life, and finding a place to allow fantasies to become increasingly more extreme…” (Delmonico & Carnes, 1999,  p. 139). What places these individuals at-risk are their tendency to use masturbation to cybersex as a coping mechanism for stress and anxiety (Paul, 2005).

    Compulsive/Addict. The National Council on Sex Addiction and Compulsivity estimates that there are anywhere from six percent to eight percent of sex addicts in America (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000). Interestingly, a sex addict does not necessarily translate to a cybersex addict. In fact, Delmonico & Carnes (1997) report that “31% of sexual addicts he surveyed disclosed using the Internet for less than one hour per week for sexual purposes” (p. 459). In light of these figures, it is possible that a large percentage of cybersex addicts may be in addition to the six to eight percent figures sited by the National Council on Sex Addiction and Compulsivity. Some researchers believe that cybersex addiction is as high as 13% (Paul, 2005).

      Cybersex addicts spend between 15 to 25 hours per week engaged in online sexual activities (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000). For this population, there is no reduction in the novelty of the sexual experience as is for many recreational users (Leiblum, 1997). 68% of compulsives had a history of sexual abuse (Griffiths, 2001), 13.8% had experienced previous difficulties with sexual issues (Delmonico & Carnes, 1999), and

84% kept their cybersex activities a secret (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000).  Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon (1999) found that “a measure of sexual compulsivity was found to be positively associated with loneliness, low self-esteem, and lack of sexual self-control” (p. 2). Additionally, Greenfield (1999) found that “online sexual behavior doesn’t necessarily remain online. It was found that among Internet addicts there appears to be a progression from virtual sex to actual sex” (p. 410).

Factors Contributing to Compulsivity and Addiction

     Greenfield (1999) suggests that such unique aspects of the online experience such as “disinhibition, anonymity, ease of access, accelerated intimacy, time distortion (dissociation), and intensity/stimulation of online content…” (p. 403) could facilitate cybersex addiction. Other contributing factors include using masturbation as a coping mechanism for stress (Delmonico & Carnes, 1999), spending eleven or more hours a week in cybersex activities (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon, 1999), “struggling with sexually compulsive tendencies” (Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies, 1999, p. 85), using cybersex as a means to avoid intimacy and emotions, (Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies, 1999), experiencing feelings of shame and guilt (Leiblum, 1997), having childhood sexual trauma or abuse (Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies, 1999), and participating in compulsive masturbation as a child (Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies, 1999). The research  (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000) shows that certain individuals are at-risk for becoming cybersex compulsives. These include women, gay men, bisexuals, students, single men, dating men, and highly educated individuals (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000). Studies (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000;Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon, 1999) also found that the use of chat rooms could be particularly problematic in the development of addiction.

Gender Differences among Cybersex Addicts

     Women tend to be overrepresented in this group (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000) even though men’s usage of cybersex greatly outnumbers women’s usage of it (Delmonico & Carnes, 1999). One possible explanation for this variance is that “men are less likely to self-identify as having a problem … with online sexuality, while women are more willing to see these behaviors as problematic” (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000, p.22).

     According to Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon (1999) “strong gender differences for preferred on-line media were evident, with men most preferring Web sites featuring visual erotic … and women favoring chat rooms …” (p. 7). This finding is not surprising in that men tend to be more visually oriented while women tend to be more relationship oriented. In fact, 51% of women indicated that they never downloaded sexual material. Women did not report using newsgroups (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon, 1999) whereas 20% of men used them. Newsgroups are primarily used as an exchange medium for niche or hard-core sexual material (Delmonico & Carnes, 1999).

Sexual Orientation Differences Among Cybersex Addicts

     Gay and bisexual men were overrepresented in the cybersex addict group whereas lesbians were underrepresented  (Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg, 2000). Quittner (2003) found that 20% of gay men showed signs of sexually addictive and compulsive behaviors. Several researchers speculated as to why this might be. Cooper, Delmonico,& Burg (2000) suggested that the Internet’s Triple-A Engine “can pose a particular hazard for those users whose sexuality may have been suppressed and limited all their lives when they suddenly find an infinite supply of sexual opportunities” (p. 21). Dew & Chaney (2004) posit that the Internet provides benefits to this disenfranchised group such as self-medicating, meeting sexual partners, participating in “sexual activities without fear of persecution” (p. 102), and concealing one’s HIV status.

Interviews

     Paul Becker (2005), MA—who was interviewed for this paper—runs therapeutic groups for individuals struggling with sex addiction. Mr. Becker (2005) gave his group members a survey (Appendix) to complete. Five members of Mr. Becker’s (2005) group filled out the survey. It appears that the qualitative interviews synch up with the existing research on cybersex compulsives and addicts.

     Of those surveyed, three out of five indicated that curiosity initially motivated them to participate in cybersex.  A Kinsey Institute poll indicated that 54% originally viewed pornography out of a sense of curiosity (Paul, 2005).  All survey respondents reported that they needed increased stimulating material. Research backs up this finding too. Paul (2005) states that the more porn is consumed at one level, the less arousing this material becomes as the consumer becomes used to—satiated with the material. This satiation leads the consumer to seek out newer, more explicit, and more violent forms of sexual material that will again arouse him or her. (p. 59).

    All the survey respondents indicated that their cybersex involvement had accompanied intimacy problems and affected their relationships with wives or significant others. In Delmonico’s & Carnes’ research (1999), “…nearly two-thirds (65%) also said that their online sexual activity did not have a positive effect on their offline romantic relationships” (p. 137). In Griffiths’ research (2000), he found that 53% of 396 cybersex addicts had their intimate relationships disrupted due to this sexual compulsivity.  Often this disruption takes the form of the cybersex addict preferring Internet sex to his or her real-life partner (Macready, 2001).

Conclusions

     Although the Internet has had a relatively short existence, it has revolutionized our social, economic, recreational, and interpersonal patterns. The current research is just starting to touch the surface of this new, burgeoning technology. However, the available research along with clinical and anecdotal evidence suggest that what can begin as harmless recreation can progress towards compulsivity and addiction, with the unique factors of the Internet facilitating this progression.  More research is needed to flush out the full effects of the Internet and to determine interventions for vulnerable populations.

References

Becker, P. G. (personal communication, October 28, 2005). Falls Church.

Cooper, A., Delmonico, D. L., & Burg, R. (2000). Cybersex users, abusers, and compulsives: New findings and implications. Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 7, 5-29.

Cooper, A., Griffin-Shelley, E., Delmonico, D. L., & Mathy, R. M. (2001). Online sexual problems: Assessment and predictive variables. Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 8, 267-285.

Cooper, A., Putnam, D. E., Planchon, L. A., & Boies, S. C. (1999). Online sexuality compulsivity: Getting tangled in the net. Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 6(2), 79-104.

Cooper, A., Scherer, C. R., Boies, S. C., & Gordon, B. L. (1999). Sexuality on the Internet: From sexual exploration to pathological expression. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 30(2).

Cooper, A., Delmonico, D. L., Griffin-Shelley, E., & Mathy, R. M. (2004). Online sexual activity: An examination of potentially problematic behaviors. Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 11, 129-143.

Delmonico, D. L. (2003). Cybersex: Changing the way we relate. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 18(3), 259-260.

Delmonico, D. L., & Carnes, P. J. (1999). Virtual sex addiction: When cybersex becomes the drug of choice. CyberPsychology and Behavior, 2(5), 457-463.

Dew, B. J., & Chaney, M. P. (2004). Sexual addiction and the internet: Implications for gay men. Journal of Addictions and Offender Counseling, 24(2), 101-113.

Greenfield, D. (1999). Psychological characteristics of compulsive internet use; A preliminary analysis. CyberPsychology and Behavior, 2(5), 402-412.

Griffiths, M. (2000). Excessive internet use: Implications for sexual behavior. CyberPsychology and Behavior, 3(4), 537-552.

Griffiths, M. (2001). Sex on the internet: Observations and implications for internet sex addiction. The Journal of Sex Research, 38(4), 333-342.

Leiblum, S. R. (1997). Sex and the net: Clinical implications. Journal of Sex Education and Therapy, 22(1), 21-27.

Macready, N. (2001). Online sexual addiction often missed by therapists. Clinical Psychiatry News, 29(6), 18-21.

Paul, P. (2004). The porn factor: In the internet age, pornography is almost everywhere you look. But what is it doing to real-life relationships? Time, 163, 99-101.

Paul, P. (2005). Pornified: How pornography is transforming our lives, our relationships, and our families. New York: Henry Holt and Company.

Quittner, J. (2003). Addicted to dot-com sex. The Advocate, February, 34-37.

Schneider, J. P. (2003). The impact of compulsive cybersex behaviors on the family. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 18(3), 329-354.

Trumbull, M. (2005, October 11, 2005). The internet enters a bold second act. Christian Science Monitor.

 

Appendix

Questionnaire:

1) What initially attracted you to Internet pornography? 

• Curiosity
• Satisfy a sexual need 
• Deal with loneliness
• Boredom
• Distraction from a stress or problem
• Other

2) Prior to viewing Internet pornography, did you spend time viewing pornography in other forms such as movies, magazines, or videos.

• Yes 
• What formats did you view?
• No

3) If you answered yes to question # 2, how much time did you spend viewing pornography in these other forms?

• Hours per day?
• Days per week?

4) On average, how much time did you spend viewing Internet pornography?

• Hours per day
• Days per day

5) Did you notice an increase in daily sexual thoughts and fantasies the more time you spent on-line?

• Yes
• No

6) Did you find that you needed to view more stimulating material the more time you spent viewing on-line pornography?

• Yes
• No

7) What changes did you notice about yourself as you spent more time viewing on-line pornography?

8) What happened in your life that led you to realize that you were inappropriately attached to Internet pornography?

9) How were your social, work, and recreational activities altered due to your on-line attachment to pornography?

10) Did viewing Internet pornography accompany intimacy problems with a spouse, partner, or significant other?

• Yes
• If yes, how?
• No

11) How has your Internet pornography attachment affected your close relationships?

12) Have you experienced other addictions? (e.g. alcohol, food, drugs, work)

• Yes
• If yes, what addictions?
• No

13) What has been most helpful in overcoming your Internet pornography attachment?

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Trisha Suppes M.A., is a clinician at the the Integrative Psychotherapy Institute LLC in Fairfax, VA.  Ms. Suppes is an attachment-based therapist and and focuses on how individuals bond with each other and their family members. She can be reached at (703) 385-9667, extension 3.